Whale Misses Hot Dog

Whale’s third diary entry

Whale is counting down the time to when he will see Hot Dog again. He already misses his pet dog muttering around the house and doesn’t know what to do really with the time that she is with his mother. He supposes the two are having fun over the weekend. Sighing heavily under his breath, he turns his television on. It is time for the eight o’ clock news and he doesn’t want to miss it. Just then, the bell to his front door chimes…

Whale: Huh? Who is visiting at this hour?

He goes from his living room to open the front door. It’s Fat Pig and Jack.

Whale: Oh! What are you two doing here? Hot Dog is with her grandmother for the weekend.

Jack: I know! May I talk to her over the phone? I really miss her.

Whale: Um, why don’t you come back tomorrow? I can ring her for you in the morning. It’s quite late already. I don’t want Hot Dog to be talking over the phone now with her friends.

Fat Pig: Sure, Mr. Whale! We’ll come back tomorrow! Have a pleasant evening!

Whale slams the door shut and goes back to the living room to catch his evening news. Channel Two has got adverts on already and Whale notices something that gets him very excited – an advert scripted by his boss Bart is airing, and it has a young and pudgy boy talking about a bookshop.

Young and Pudgy Boy: This is my favourite bookstore in the whole world! It is in the perfect place in Kent and it stocks the greatest range of biographies, fiction novels, and other kinds of books ever. It might not be really huge but that’s not what you are looking for from this village bookshop. Everytime I really want to find out about a celebrity and who he is dating at the moment – an actress, a supermodel, or his superfan…I just come to this bookstore. It tells me everything I want to know. I have never been not pleased with the books they stock in that biography department. Why don’t you also come down to Kent soon and join me? It is the perfect place to learn about a millionaire’s love affair with a lady who will do anything to date him, or simply a woman that has demonstrated in every possible way that she is meant to be with him. It is so difficult to navigate the world of Hollywood romances like those: a heartthrob’s girlfriend will still be his typical kind of girl – I like to dream that it will be his superfan, in the end . She might not have it in her to handle being with him and so might act otherwise or disinterested at first, but deep down inside, she is still that girl who a) has met him b) wants to date him but will act not interested around him because she likes him too, too much. Ah! That is called true love!

Whale Welcomes 2017

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It’s the first day of a new year!

It’s the start of a new year. Snow is everywhere in Chelsea, and particularly in front of Whale’s house. Hot Dog has been neglecting her snow shoveling duties because it is the holidays. It’s a Sunday but people are busy at their porches, or going to church or to grab a little bit of holiday sale action yet again at their nearest supermarket. Looking at the chaotic first day of a new year from the window is making Whale feel hopeful and a little bit at peace.

Whale (thinks to himself): I can’ t believe 2017 is here already. I am getting a year older soon it seems. Us Capricorns are so determined to climb the career ladder, it’s not funny. Wonder how Bart rang in her NYE! Mine was filled with drunken behaviour, loud music and a pretty late night. Good thing I could come back home to tuck Hot Dog in her bed at night. The little baby…I can’t wait to tell Hot Dog about all the unrealistic stories my friends have been knitting for the new year. They had so much to drink all they could talk about was their lousy jobs, how hard it is to ask for a raise from their bosses, and caricaturing scary stories when there aren’t any problems or anything at all that should be making us feel queasy or nervous or fret about because there is no way any of us cannot solve them – maybe it was the homemade punch or something. How hilarious! It couldn’t be a better start to the new year…

Hot Dog: Happy New Year!

Whale (startled): Oh! Where you came from? Had a good sleep?

Hot Dog: I did, yes! I am excited that it’s 2017 already!

Whale: Me too! Happy 2017 and a Happy New Year!…I kind of feel like going back to bed again.

Hot Dog: Why? There are like a million happy things you can do today…

Whale: I feel sleepy and everyone is so busy, it’s making me feel even more lazy!

Fat Pig: Happy New Year folks!

Whale: AAAHHHH!

Hot Dog: What happened? Did Pig startle you?

Whale: Yes, he did! Sorry, Fat Pig! I wasn’t expecting you infront of my window so early on a New Year’s Day!

Fat Pig: Oh! That’s alright, Whale!

Hot Dog and Whale (together): Happy New Year, to you too!!!

Fat Pig: Have I got a riddle for you…there is word on the street…”it is just there”.

Whale: Wot is?

Fat Pig: I think that is followed by “Things. It’s one of the many different kinds of things. It’s just going to happen. Hmmm. What else? I think it is just there. It IS there.”

Hot Dog: Something amazing?

Fat Pig: I don’t know my amigo but that’s on replay and it’s driving me crazy.

Whale: Me too! Just listening to it gave me a headache.

Fat Pig’s Love For Hard Boiled Eggs

Fat Pig’s third diary entry

Mr. Brown and Fat Pig are getting ready for Whale’s dinner party. The two are no longer talking to each other because of Fat Pig’s behaviour at the supermarket. Mr. Brown was very humiliated by his own son for food he desperately craves but Mr. Brown does not permit him to have. Fat Pig, in the end, cried loudly for thirty minutes in his chosen supermarket spots before the lady who operated one of his favourite food stores, took pity on his tears and invited him to her home, for her delicious cooked meals, next week.

With that invitation, Pig stopped crying because secretly he knew there was a way out of his misery: Pig was going to develop a friendly relationship with Mrs. Susan (the owner of his favourite food joint at the supermarket) and let her cook daily meals for himself for free (and maybe even Hot Dog, too). Who knows? Because if things go well, Mrs. Susan might be the Singaporean aunty he never had, like that mother-figure or father-figure, who knows when to be strict and when to totally cuddle their favourite kid in the whole universe. And when that happens, Mrs. Susan, at the special request of none other but Fat Pig, will magically create a Cantonese dinner arrangement in Chelsea for all of his school friends, especially Hot Dog.

Fat Pig: I better hurry! I must go to Hot Dog’s house, before Brown!…I also have to tell Dog the story, first…(running out of his home and on the street)…HD! Hi there buddy!

Hot Dog: You alright? Woah! What are you wearing?

Fat Pig: A Cantonese food-print tie, paired with my crisp white shirt and brown trousers, which I have accessorized with a golden belt.

Hot Dog: Fancy! Do you want to come in now or something because I haven’t even started selecting what to wear for tonight? If you do, then you must officially re-enter my household at 8:00pm again!

Fat Pig: That’s alright! But I gotta tell you something first…

Mr. Brown: Fat Pig!!! Get back in the house right now! Sorry Hot Dog, for letting Pig bother you! We will come back at 8pm, like our invitation asked us to!

Fat Pig grumbles and follows his father back to their home…..

Whale’s second diary entry

Whale is busy checking for the umpteenth time if the preparations for the party are alright, when he notices a letter in the letterbox. Whale picks up the letter and finds that it is a couple of stickers Jack has mailed Hot Dog, of various kinds of vegetables he finds interesting even though they taste vile in the the flesh, such as cucumber, sweet potato, kale and turnip. Smiling, the nosey Whale slides the letter from Jack through Hot Dog’s door, for her to enjoy…

Jack Sr.’s first diary entry

In Jack’s household, Jack Sr is checking if the television transmission is alright for the big game they have to all catch over the weekend. The thought of four people in a cramped (and dusty) salmon living room, that oddly always smells of nachos only because of the two youngest in the group of sports enthusiasts, Jack and Hot Dog, makes Jack Sr. ring Whale and ask what has been the latest in their kids’ lives, as a pre-appetizer sort of a talk before the dinner party.

Jack Sr: I was so upset when my son told me “I love my idol more than you!”

Whale: Really? If I even get my hands on the person who thought these stories were funny around Hot Dog.

Jack Sr: I know! My son’s idol doesn’t even know who my son is but Jack gets nothing at all!

Whale: Oh! That’s a much better story! Did I tell you about the time, Hot Dog knitted me a pair of mismatched Snoopy socks…just because…I don’t have any socks that doesn’t come with holes?

Hot Dog’s third diary entry

Hot Dog can hear Jack Sr. screaming through the phone about that idol incident again, which makes her text Jack, asking him to bring it up during dinner tonight. Anxious about how dinner is going to go, the three kids sigh heavily all at the same time, individually.

Time to party…

At 8:00pm, the doorbell at Whale and Hot Dog’s house chimes: it is Jack Sr. and Jack. The two are about to go into Whale’s brown living room, when another doorbell chimes and it’s Mr. Brown and Fat Pig.

In Whale’s brown living room, Hot Dog serves the guests fried prawns and chilli sauce to dig into as the first set of appetizers. Hot Dog is wearing her favourite emerald green jumper dress, with a pair of woolly booties, flaunting faces of Snoopy. Jack tried his best to be both casual and smart, so he is wearing a red/white Christmas jumper with brown trousers and black shoes.

Jack Sr: These prawns are delicious! So tangy but succulent!

Whale: I know! I mastered the recipe from a book by Gordon Ramsay.

Mr. Brown: Oh my…where did you get the time to fit that in?

Whale: Since Hot Dog came into my life, cooking has become my passion.

Jack Sr: That is just perfect for Hot Dog! My son, Jack just loves every dish I make for him!

Jack (interrupts): No, I do not!

Jack Sr: Yes, you do! Don’t interrupt me when I am talking to Whale! If you have to do something, then why not just learn how to talk to Whale from my conversations with him?

Jack: I don’t want to!

Whale: You do not want to?

Jack: Nope! think I can talk just fine all by myself!

Jack Sr: Son, are you trying to be funny?

Hot Dog: I think he’s just bored of three adults talking. Maybe we three kids can watch what’s nice on television now?

Whale: Sure!

Fat Pig: I love the prawns, Mr. Whale! Did you ever try my Singaporean aunty’s hard boiled eggs, hard boiled to perfection?

Hot Dog: Your what?

Mr. Brown: …………….wot?

Jack: I think these prawns are tasty, yeah! How much of it is HD’s contribution? She did most of the work didn’t she?

Whale: Boiled eggs that are perfect…but not by me for HD?

Fat Pig: Oh yeah! They actually can be served in my favourite way – sliced in the middle to perfection by my loving aunty. The yolk is deliciously yellow and there is just something about those hard boiled eggs that can never have any comparison! It really cannot! They are perfect boiled eggs, they really are!

The Summer Heat & Queues

The Simpsons – one of Whale and Hot Dog’s favourite television shows!

Whale is sunbathing at Hyde Park today. The summer has gotten unusually hot, so he is sipping on some cold beer and lounging around the park with his childhood friend, Jack Sr.

Whale: It’s so hot. I am glad I have this mug of frosties with me to make me feel really cool!

Jack Sr: I know! I don’t know what I was thinking when I said “Yes” to dropping off Jack with the kids, and Mr. Brown, at the circus this weekend! In my mind, just picturing the long walk to pick them up later on is making me sweat…

Whale: Yeah? Why did Brown’s car break down all of a sudden?

Jack Sr: I think it had something to do with the tyres, and he just couldn’t find any time over the week, to fix it for the weekend!

Whale: Was that all? Wish I had been at the circus with Hot Dog…her friend Fat Pig kept screaming all the way about cotton candy at the circus, and maybe we could have seen all the fun sitting underneath a tree, and in the shade if we had gone with them!…ahhh the frosties!

…………………………………………………………………………..

Hot Dog, Jack and Fat Pig are at the circus for the weekend. They want to enjoy a trapeze show, but so far they are stuck at the enormously long queue to buy tickets to it. It has been fifteen minutes and the four of them are thoroughly bored.

Hot Dog (exasperated): Ohhhhh! How much longer Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown: Not very long, honey!

Fat Pig:…Dog…I saw Moja Bleu yesterday!

Hot Dog: Where?

Fat Pig: At the supermarket! I was there to get some peanuts for our kitchen cupboard!

Jack: You like peanuts?

Fat Pig: Yeah, they are pretty good snacks!

Hot Dog: Yeah? Was Moja Bleu shopping as well?

Fat Pig: No! He was there to return Moti Pasteur’s munsell-yellow jumper he had bought the week before, with a pair of lemon chiffon socks for himself – the jumper unexpectedly shrank in the wash!

Fat Pig’s Showdown Over Cantonese Noodles

Jack’s third diary entry

Whale has invited both Jack and Fat Pig’s family to dinner. Jack is very excited about the dinner party because this is the first time he is going to one. In his home, the fat mutt is lying in bed and listening to his most favourite The Beatles singles and thinking about Hot Dog.

Jack: Mmm…so the dinner party is almost here! I wonder what Hot Dog will be wearing to it…if she wears that icy blue dress of hers I like so much then I need to rethink my wardrobe, because I cannot wear just a pair of jeans and my alien-green t-shirt. I like that t-shirt though because it’s got a print of a cauliflower on it, and it’s doing a kind of dancing in the rain…a cartoonish cauliflower…

At that moment, a knock appears on Jack’s door, which he jumps off his bed to answer. Hot Dog has turned up to discuss about the dinner party celebrations; she is anxious over the guest list she has helped Whale prepare, and the menu the two of them will be cooking up.

Hot Dog: So, I have only invited Fat Pig’s Dad and your Dad, apart from you and Fat Pig. Is that alright? How do you think it’s going to look, when our friendly neighbours aren’t there? I don’t think…I can’t like even think straight because of all the all-nighters Whale is making me do for geometry practice!

Jack: I don’t think you should invite over friendly neighbours because this dinner party is just for the six of us…our pets can be there, for sure!

Hot Dog: Oooh! Our hamsters are already prancing around our garden gnomes but I’m sure Pig’s honeycomb nest or whatever that is for his pets, them bees, can never be inside our house!

Jack: I wasn’t talking of Fat Pig’s bees!

Hot Dog: Oh! But just as well! Pig’s always obsessing about bees of all kinds of pets…

Jack: Yeahhh! What’s on the menu for the dinner party?

Hot Dog: I can’t tell you too much about it because mine and Whale’s menu is meant to be a secret, until you guys come over but how do you feel about brussels sprouts?

Jack: Yuck! Why are you asking? How is it that you don’t like them but don’t know yet I don’t too?

Hot Dog: But, you like tradition on like Christmas…don’t you? Brussels sprouts must always make their ugly appearance amidst the delicious goodies…

Jack: If they are dressed in a tub of mayo and salsa, maybe, yeah!

Fat Pig’s second diary entry

Fat Pig and Mr. Brown are in the neighbourhood supermarket and in the middle of a spirited debate. Mr. Brown wanted to simply buy a bouquet of flowers for Whale, and a box of chocolates for Hot Dog, as a nice thank you for having invited him and his son to their dinner party. But Pig has other things in his mind, that Mr. Brown must also address…at the supermarket…

Fat Pig: I want to eat potato fritters, fried with vegetable oil for lunch…RIGHT NOW!

Mr. Brown: What? You know these dining spaces at our neighbourhood supermarket are far too expensive. You cannot have potato fritters for lunch…just go and get yourself a pack or two of crisps for lunch.

Fat Pig: Nooooooooooooooo! I want my food from this vegetarian dining space at the supermarket, and I want it frequently!

Mr.Brown: The food here is rubbish too, Fat Pig!

Fat Pig: Oh My God! I cannot believe you actually told me something like this, twice, so loudly in front of Auntie Mabel Kin. How humiliating! And how will I ever show my face to Hot Dog, when you are treating me like this after our poetry all-nighters? Give me food, it can even be my chosen dish of lovingly cooked Cantonese noodles, from Auntie Mabel Kin’s dining space right now before I humiliate you back in front of her about how badly you cook a puri!

Mr. Brown: You are unbelievably rude to me young boy, despite being nothing more to me than a drunken night’s irritating leftover! How can you just behave like this with me? And you cannot show your face to Hot Dog? I cannot show my face to Hot Dog!!! She only has bacon and veg sandwiches for lunch, and look at you crave unhealthy food from this stupid place, unlike your friend! Babies like you are really so bloody annoying…

Fat Pig: …you are an idiot. You really, really, really are! I want food from this dining space…I really, really, really do…GIVE ME MY CANTONESE NOODLES WITH TOFU, CHILLI CHICKEN AND FRIED CABBAGE, RIGHT NOW!!!

Whale Cooks Delicious Scrambled Eggs

Jack’s second diary entry

Jack is very worried in the school’s parking lot. It has been an hour since Hot Dog and Fat Pig are inside the school and there is no news about the candies promised. Some teacher could be shouting at Hot Dog and Jack is doing nothing at all. Jack remembers Mrs. Blossoms being very unkind to Hot Dog recently because she never pays attention to her absurd feminism theories. Mrs. Blossom never takes any of their classes but she is always patrolling the school corridors and trying to segregate the boys from the girls even though this is a co-educational school. Jack was once holding hands with Hot Dog, and Fat Pig was underneath her, as she tried to grab the last piece of party candy that fell to the ground, from their buffet table, during the school’s annual prom, and all three got detention that day for behaving inappropriately on school grounds.

If it wasn’t for their fathers complaining about their kids coming home late on that day, he thought the three would have never gotten saved. After waiting for a few minutes, Whale and Mr. Brown go inside the school because Jack cannot stop from getting worried about Hot Dog. Jack’s father decides to use the time to speak to the kids’ maths teacher about his son’s grades.

Jack: Hot Dog!!! There you are! Give me some candies!

Hot Dog: Why are you here??? Oh My God! Did you come with your Dad to school, too?

Jack: Yeah! They are speaking to the teachers now!

Fat Pig: WHAT? We were going to stall them with sweet treats and speak to our teachers! Now you have ruined everything and we will surely get into trouble!
Jack: No! No! No! We will not! The school principal already loves Hot Dog, and besides we are also somebody’s favourites…aren’t we?

Hot Dog: Who? Who’s favourite are you?

Hot Dog is interrupted by Whale at that precise moment, asking her to go back to their blue car. Whale arrives to their blue car, with Hot Dog’s report card in his pudgy hand, and a having big smile on his face. Whale is very busy being happy about how Hot Dog has been performing in all of her subjects in school, apart from Geography and African Studies, both of which she got only a C in. Whale has never been a big fan of either of the two subjects, so he drives back home, not speaking to any of her teachers any longer.

Whale’s first diary entry

Whale (on the phone, with Mr. Brown): That will be alright for lunch? Alright! I will see you and your kid tomorrow!

Back at home, Hot Dog is setting the table for lunch, while Whale is preparing lunch in the kitchen – egg sandwiches, and a green salad bowl for the two to share. In the kitchen, Whale slices a loaf of bread into triangular shapes, butters one side, and places it on the table, before proceeding to make scrambled eggs. Whale and Hot Dog love their scrambled eggs cooked with salted butter. Whale’s neighbour, Moja Bleu decides to pop up in front of the kitchen window, all of a sudden, right then to chat some.

Moja Bleu: Do you want some peanuts?
Whale: Huh! No thanks! I’m good! I’m actually preparing lunch! It’s scrambled eggs!

Moja Bleu: That sounds so tasty! Yesterday, you will not believe what happened! I saw a vegetarian woman in the local supermarket, and she had fainted in front of the beef teriyaki aisle!

Whale: What? How? Why?

Moja Bleu: She is a vegetarian woman!!! She eats no meat at all! But she came to the supermarket thinking it’s a vegetarian supermarket because the first couple of aisles only sell fresh groceries and fine baked goods!

Candies + Cars

Hot Dog’s second diary entry

Whale and Hot Dog have arrived at school. Today is “Parent-Teachers Conference Day”. Whale is going to find out how Hot Dog has been doing in school and what her teachers all think about her. Hot Dog is ridden with anxiety over it but a cold soda is calming her down, as the two chat in the car.

It was Hot Dog’s idea to wait in the car until her friends come to school too with their Dads because it might be easier on her nerves if her friends were there as well. She knows that most of them did so much worse than her this term, so perhaps misery will help the company be relieved from any worries about what their Dads will think of them and what they will do to them after the day is over.

Hot Dog: (sipping the soda) How long do you think we have to wait for Jack?

Whale: According to the pager message from his father, for ten minutes longer. They are stuck in a traffic jam.

Hot Dog: Are you worried I might not have done well in school?

Whale: No! I am not worried at all! But I am a little bit concerned about your maths performance when you practice with me.

Hot Dog: What? I practice well in front of you. Why would you be concerned about that? I have to actually put aside my television watching and sometimes even reading William Shakespeare’s plays to make sure I can finish all of the unofficial homeworks, you set me.

Whale: I am not sure if you are done with careless errors yet.

Hot Dog: Sometimes I get absent-minded, when spending three hours on algebra, so all the alphabets begin to look like Hebrew to me. That’s when I lose my focus completely and make really stupid errors that can be done without. This actually happened to me at school in my last test, otherwise I would have gotten full marks. I was so mad when I saw I lost so many marks there with…

Fat Pig’s first diary entry

At that precise time, Fat Pig and his father Mr. Brown park their yellow car behind Whale’s blue car. Fat Pig gets off his car and walks to Hot Dog’s window to greet her and ask if she would like to go to school with him, now, ditching their two fathers. He has brought with him some candy from Tesco, that he believes will occupy their attention until they go in and explain to their teachers that their fathers are here but they think they have far better things to do than look at their report cards. So, the teachers must give them the report cards, which the two will get their fathers drunk before talking about.

Whale: Hello Mr. Brown! How have you been? It’s a lovely and sunny day, isn’t it?

Mr. Brown: Why? Yes! It is!

Fat Pig: (after explaining his idea to Hot Dog) So that is the plan. Do you want it?

Hot Dog: I don’t know! Why didn’t you bring alcohol with you today? We could have done that now!

Fat Pig: There is none in my house and I only got the idea this morning!

Mr. Brown: What are you two muttering about?

Fat Pig and Hot Dog: NOTHING!

Jack’s first diary entry

Jack and his father Jack Sr. arrives at school in their red car. Jack is still in his trash can and his hair is full of ash. He is not as worried as his two friends about school but he fought with his father for the whole of the duration of the car journey. Jack, thus, has ash on his hair, that is actually the dust inside their trash can that his father forgot to do away with, before throwing his son into it, for misbehaving with him – Jack told his father he does not like him anymore because he must go to school to check his report card + he is simply ganging up with Whale to put Hot Dog through today.

Jack: I am not coming. And neither is Hot Dog.

Jack Sr: Fine!!! We will just go back home that way. I will go and speak to your teachers, while Whale does the same for Hot Dog. You are not really required, until afterwards. Do you get me?

Jack: I do not want to.

Jack Sr: I have had quite enough. I will just let Whale know we are already here.

Mr. Brown: Oh you are here already! Come and have these candies! They are truly divine!

Jack Sr: Alright! I will get the pink one!

Jack: (screaming from the car) Where is Hot Dog???

Whale: Hot Dog had to go to the cafeteria to get more candies for us with Fat Pig.